Commercialland

Have you ever watched TV? Ever noticed the commercials? The world of commercials is like this weird, alternate universe where the laws of common sense and reality don't apply. You see a commercial and something happens that appears perfectly normal, but when you try to apply it to our universe you know it just isn't right. It doesn't fit. This entire world of commercials is just—different. Join me in my journey as I explore what I like to call, “Commercialland.”

One commercial I've seen a lot of is the advertisement for the T-Mobile myTouch 4G. You've got this preppy-looking girl in a pink dress standing next to a guy in a suit struggling under the weight of a heavier man on his back. In Commercialland, we naturally listen to the preppy girl because of course she knows better than anyone else in the world. But in reality land, EVERYONE knows nerds know all. And just because this man is accustomed to giving grown men piggy back rides doesn't mean we're going to blow him off. I mean, everyone has their own thing. Some people gain satisfaction engaging in sports. Others find their passion in cooking, art or playing video games. And still, there are others who just want to give grown men piggy back rides. The point is, in the real world, despite his quirks, I'm still going to listen to the geek.

Now infomercials about how to make money are some of the worst. The man keeps telling you to stick around because he's going to tell you how to get rich. It is so easy to get rich. Just a few simple steps, and you will be rich. Don't go away! Because he is going to tell you how to get rich. But for some reason, he keeps forgetting to tell you. ...And yet he keeps reminding you that he's going to say it. That is NOT how Alzheimer's works in real life.

And then there's the notorious Windows 7 commercials (yes, I know that's bad grammar). Ten different people all claiming that Windows 7 was their idea? How can that be possible? In our world, it could never happen. And yet, somehow, in Commercialland, it's possible...or is it? What I think these commercials are really about is a bunch of compulsive liars. Okay, Miss “Crystal,” (if that's even her real name), do you really expect me to believe that you have the phone numbers for the Microsoft executives and you know their names? Do you even have a degree in industrial design? She couldn't possibly have thought up Windows 7. And yet, in Commercialland, we listen to her telling these outrageous lies and it's okay. Liars go to heaven in Commercialland.

To close, I have composed a brief poem.

Oh Commercialland, how different are you

Your nerds know nothing. You can fix anything with Elmer's glue

Your women love jewelry and don't like useful gifts

You can grow light bulb-sized biceps by doing a few easy lifts

Your men treat their burgers better than their chicks

You all follow the counsel of utter pricks

Cleaning is as easy as the stroke of a key

Buying car insurance fills you with glee

Yogurt is the answer to all your dietary woes

Without cell phones, your families just wouldn't be close

But here I must break it to you, Commercialland TV

We just got a TiVo. Hence, you are dead to me.

- Carly