Humans are complicated beings. They can be difficult to figure out sometimes, especially for those of us who can't grasp human expression, implications, feelings, etc. There is hope, however, for the socially inept. I have devised a scientific formula for understanding the deep underlying thoughts and feelings of other beings. There are several clues you must watch for. Apply the following, and you may uncover some shocking revelations about your neighbors and loved ones. (If multiple specifications are met, go with the one later down on the list.)
The Shirt
He/she is wearing a solid colored shirt = He is planning
He is wearing a patterned shirt = He doesn't want
He is wearing a shirt with writing or symbols on it = He is wondering what it would be like
He is wearing no shirt = He is scared
The Feet
He is wearing sandals = to fight
He is wearing socks or slippers = to kiss
He is wearing shoes = to shave
He has bare feet = to eat
The Wallet
He has a wallet in his back pocket = a baby
He has a wallet in his front pocket = a donkey
He has a wallet in his purse = a coconut
He carries no wallet = you.
Add the components together and you are granted some insight into the mind of your friend—or even a perfect stranger. For example, right now, Tim is wondering what it would be like to shave a donkey.
Now these methods have been lab-tested. But keep in mind that science is nowhere near as advanced as the powerful human brain. For those of you who are gifted with interpersonal intelligence, you may find these readings elementary. But for the rest of us, this is all we have to go by. Forgive our rudimentary understanding of you.
- Carly
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