Welcome to this special Valentine's Day edition of, “A History of the Universe: Why Things Exist.” In honor of this special day, I have taken it upon myself to research the origin of one of the most controversial holidays celebrated in the United States.
Now, the cynical historian will tell you that Valentine's Day came about as a Medieval tradition in which small towns would gather annually to witness the public stoning of the town's most vomitous, nauseatingly in love couple. Hundreds of unhappy singles and ex-couples would gather to participate in the violent event as they shared the responsibility of the stoning. But as couples became more prominent and powerful, the holiday evolved into a day of expression of love, rather than persecution of love.
After many hours of research I am happy to finally declare this history a sham! Valentine's Day is not the product of a twisted event warped into a tolerable tradition by time and the maturation of human civility. How relieved I am that my faith in humanity can remain preserved.
In my research, I discovered that the establishment of Valentine's Day was actually a very recent event, in which someone realized that the modern man needed a reminder to do something for his woman that she cannot do for herself: buy her flowers. You see, on Valentine's Day, there are three predominant choices for a man: he can either buy his woman chocolates, jewelry or flowers. Any woman can buy herself chocolates. On occasion, a woman will even buy herself jewelry. But you never see a woman buy herself flowers and say, “Oooooh! Look at these beautiful flowers I bought for myself! Aren't they gorgeous! Awwww, they smell so good!”
Think about it.
- Carly
3 comments:
Sorry, i disagree. They may not usually buy bouquets for themselves, but it isn't uncommon for women to buy themselves flowers, technically.
REALLY? You've seen women buying flowers for themselves? Are you talking about potted plants, or are these women buying single flowers? Because that isn't the same.
Um, that's what i'm saying - but yes, it's not the same. How about, potted flowers? That's what i mean. And i feel kinda stupid buying flowers sometimes. I don't want them to, like, think, "Is this all he can do? Buy flowers?"
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