Writer's Block

Many writers periodically experience what is termed “writer's block.” No, this does not mean that a bunch of writers get together and have a disco party on a block. This a condition wherein the writer finds himself unable to produce new work. This common problem can be a temporary hiccup in the writer's ability to produce work, and sometimes it can go on for years and even end a writer's career.

This seemingly titanic problem actually has a surprisingly simple treatment. Just by doing a bit of shopping and following a few straightforward instructions, any writer can be certain to have his writer's block cured.

To begin, you will need a few materials. Go to the nearest home department store and purchase a large brick, six feet of sturdy wire, some duct tape, as well as a hammer and nails.

Curing Writer's Block: Approach #1

Go home. Take one of the bricks and smash it against your forehead as hard as possible. Be sure to use all your force. If you are too sissy to smash the brick with all your strength, a shot of vodka often helps. You should come up with some new ideas within a matter of minutes.

Curing Writer's Block: Approach #2

Now, if you're entirely too sissy to take approach #1, this is where the sturdy wire comes into play. Tie the wire securely around the brick, as you would tie a ribbon around a Christmas present. You should have about five spare feet of wire remaining. Using the hammer, mount three nails in the ceiling directly above your pillow on your bed. Fasten the wire around the nails so that the brick hangs down approximately eleven inches from the pillow. Be sure not to knock your head against the brick when getting into bed that night. If all goes well, the next morning, when you arise, you will clout your head against the brick with such power as to cause a severe head injury, thus driving you to be inspired with all types of creative new ideas. The added benefit with this approach is that it is a great way to start your day.

Curing Writer's Block: Approach #3

Once, again, this approach utilizes the brick. Drive to someone's house. This can be a friend, family member, neighbor, or even a random stranger. Be sure the lights are on in the house. Walk up to the front window and throw the brick as hard as you can toward the window. The window should shatter noisily. Wait until someone sees you before running away. I will not bother to tell you what happens next because there are many scenarios to the conclusion of this approach. In any event, the affairs that transpire should supply you with plenty of inspiring material for your next writing piece.

Curing Writer's Block: Approach #4

This next approach requires no props. Simply do not sleep for 78 hours. Creative powers will abound.

Curings Writer's Block: Approach #5

This last approach requires a bit more preparation. Just grab any kitchen knife and locate a clear wall in your home. Using any sturdy metal object, see if you can hollow out a shallow hole in the wall, about the size of a quarter. If you cannot manage this part, do not fret; it is not 100% necessary. Stick the handle of the knife in the hole and use the duct tape to fasten the knife to the wall so that it sticks out parallel to the floor. Now back up about twenty feet and run as fast as you can toward the knife. This does take a bit of courage. If you do not have the guts to do this, you can always attach the knife to the front door, stand behind it, and wait for your wife to come home. Regardless, the knife should either puncture you and cause delirium conducive to creative writing ideas, or you will have an eventful trip to the hospital. Even if the trip to the hospital does not inspire any new work, at least you will have a great story to tell your grandchildren.

- Carly