Streamlining

So, Tim and I recently received an informative letter from Zion's Bank. So you know what I'm talking about, I've typed the letter below:

Dear Timothy K. Ferrin,

Your account is important to us. That's why we continually review our products to ensure our account benefits remain high, while your costs remain low. To that end, we've recently streamlined all our accounts to better meet your needs. That means your account with us will soon change. Here are the details:

Based on our analysis of your current account activity, your Free Checking Account ending in 9001 will be converted to our new Checking Plus Account on December 14, 2011.

What Stays The Same

-Your account number and debit card number

-Online Banking with Bill Pay—including all automatic or recurring payments

-Your checks and unlimited check-writing

-Overdraft Services

-Choice of online eStatements or paper statements

-No monthly charge for debit card use

What Will Change

-There will be a $7 monthly service fee on your account, and you can easily waive this fee by doing just ONE of the following:

• Maintain a $300 minimum daily balance or
• Have $20+ in other account fees (excluding wire fees) during the statement cycle or
• Use a Zions Bank credit card once during the monthly checking statement cycle

-If you have a Statement Savings account, we'll waive the $3 monthly service fee for that!

Zions bank is committed to helping you meet all your financial services needs, and we're confident you will enjoy your new checking account. In addition to our Checking Plus Account, we offer additional checking account options—all of which allow you to have your monthly service fee waived based on your account activity. If you would like to explore these options, or if you have other questions or concerns, just call us or visit your local Zions Bank branch, or go to www.zionsbank.com/newcheckingplus.

Sincerely,

A. Scott Anderson

President and CEO

You're confident that I'll enjoy the new fees that have just been added to my account? Really? You just told me that my account is virtually staying the same, except now you're charging me a $7 fee. How exactly is this supposed to keep my costs low? And how does this streamline anything?

But at least one good thing came out of this. Thanks to Zion's bank, I now have an excellent model for breaking bad news.

Dear Parents,

Your child is important to us. That's why we continually review our education system to ensure that your child's education remains optimal, and busywork and lack of productivity are kept to a minimum. To that end, we've recently streamlined all our elementary schools to better meet your child's needs. That means the structure of your child's classroom will soon change. Here are the details:

Based on the 2011 school board evaluation of classroom effectiveness, your child's first grade class will transition to the School Pro Plus program on December 14, 2011.

What Stays The Same

-School hours

-A competitive curriculum

-Location of the school

-Low-cost school lunch

-The class instructor

-Free public education

What Will Change

-Your child will spend two out of five school days chained in the school basement, and your child can easily avoid this requirement by doing just ONE of the following:

• Maintain a placement score between the 95^th and 100^th percentiles on the annual National Academic Standards Test or
• Submit a $20 fee to the school principle each week or
• Forgo recess to participate in lunch duty one day each week

-If your child is disabled, we'll now provide free handicapped bus services!

Our school district is committed to helping meet all of your child's educational needs, and we're confident he will enjoy the new classroom structure. In addition to our new School Pro Plus program, we offer other school programs—all of which allow your child's periods in the school basement to be waived based on his performance in the programs. If you would like to explore these options, or if you have any questions or concerns, just call or visit your child's school counselor, or go to www.freedomelementary.com/schoolproplus.

Sincerely,

Catherine O'Donnell

Chairman of the School Board

See, that wasn't so bad, was it?

- Carly